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Post by minerals on Jul 4, 2015 14:30:07 GMT -5
Hi guys!
Due to the relative inactivity of the forums over the last few months, the last critique thread is super stagnant and has a lot of posters who don't frequent these parts anymore. Sooo...
This is the place to post your fantrolls, human characters, etc etc etc for polite and constructive critique! I'll be keeping an eye on it as it develops, and posting myself. Hopefully this can be a place to discuss honestly the quality of a character and ways it can be developed. Here are some general guidelines for a good critique:
1. Explain flaws in the character and expound on why they are flaws
2. Offer possible solutions and fixes to these flaws
3. Don't use abusive language when critiquing (this means cursing out RPers, being super rude and aggressive)
4. Try to compliment what has been done well with a character, if possible.
The critiquing isn't the only thing that can use guidelines! It's important to take critique well.
1. Don't be rude or overly defensive to those who provide critique. If you are posting in this thread, it is for the purpose of feedback.
2. Try to acknowledge what has been said by those who have critiqued your character and consider it. Are there any problems with your characters that have been pointed out? How can you improve your character? (Everyone can use improvement!)
Most of all the most important thing to keep in mind is helping other RPers and having fun! With that all being said, the critique thread is open for business. Reply with descriptions of your trolls, humans, etc, and ask for advice or list concerns. Have fun!
(Sprites can also be posted here- feedback on appearance and design is welcome!)
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Jaye
Brownblood
»I Escaped From MSPAF« Minibio background by dizzyzebra.deviantart.com
Posts: 54
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Post by Jaye on Jul 5, 2015 3:58:15 GMT -5
If I may kick us off... Here's a character I used for one of the first iterations of The FLARP Zone.  Your name is WEYSUE FUYEAU. And you love ROBOTICS. You spend most of your time with your hands in some kind of ROBOTIC PROJECT. You even once made yourself a DREAMBOT so you could keep up with that super annoying rustblood you are in spades with. But not all of your bots are troll-like, you also specialise in making DRONE BOTS for your robotkind specibus deck. Of course you need something to occupy your occular globes while you work so you tend to binge watch ROMANTIC SERIAL DRAMAS. They are so ridiculous and over the top but you're not even gonna lie you LOVE THEM. When you have a spare moment between bot projects, you like to get out and do some PHOTOGRAPHY. It's just a side thing you do for fun. Despite being almost blue blooded, most of your hemosuperiors regard you as a MERE GREEN BLOOD. This is mostly because you seem to have an EASIER time making friends with trolls of lower castes than you. You wish you could be seen as a psuedo-blue blood, but you can't bring yourself to cut ties with any of your lowblood friends. On trollian your handle is technicalCanon and you Y0u Speak Rather E10quent1y Even 1f Y0ur C0d1ng Carr1es 0ver 1nt0 Y0ur Speach. But 11ke Y0u G1ve A Fuck, Rea11y. A little sparse, maybe, but good enough to kick off :3 |
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Chairman
Brownblood
No sir, not gettin' outta this chair.
Posts: 44
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Post by Chairman on Jul 5, 2015 7:55:33 GMT -5
If I may kick us off... Here's a character I used for one of the first iterations of The FLARP Zone. Character symbols like that are kinda overused, just a nitpick since they're usually a cop-out from a lot of people. However, I do like the hair and horns a lot! Symbols.com is a great resource for other symbols if you want to change it (or for future trolls). I'm a fan of the hobo sign system myself.Your name is WEYSUE FUYEAU. Age in solar sweeps? A lot of homestuck profiles have those and it's good to know, since an older troll is slightly more likely to act more maturely. Or at least know more about the world. Character depth etc. etc.
Last name sounds dangerously close to "fuck yeah" to me. This is hardly a bad thing. To me, it is kickass.And you love ROBOTICS.
You spend most of your time with your hands in some kind of ROBOTIC PROJECT. You even once made yourself a DREAMBOT so you could keep up with that super annoying rustblood you are in spades with. But not all of your bots are troll-like, you also speciali(z)e in making DRONE BOTS for your robotkind specibus deck.
They fight entirely with drones? They must go through them fast to require an entire strife deck to house more of them. If they're remote controlled, that would mean Weysue would need to get a remote from her fetch modus which might present a problem. Where do they get the parts for such drones, including other robots? Barter? Scavenging? How obsessed with robots is this troll? Like, apart from time spent with other hobbies, do they fail to properly take care of themselves as they work? Not enough drinking or eating or sleeping, things like that. Just something to consider.
Not much I can say about the dreambot. Interesting idea to see how they managed to come up with that design. Might also be interesting to see how they cope with technically never actually going to sleep. Most people enjoy the few hours of respite from the world when they sleep, but this person would be 'awake' 24/7.
Of course you need something to occupy your occular globes while you work so you tend to binge watch ROMANTIC SERIAL DRAMAS. They are so ridiculous and over the top but you're not even gonna lie you LOVE THEM. When you have a spare moment between bot projects, you like to get out and do some PHOTOGRAPHY. It's just a side thing you do for fun.
What do they like to photograph? Do they have a particular favorite when it comes to romantic serial dramas? I don't expect in depth reasoning for liking these things, but it's always nice to add little snippets of personality when mentioning hobbies.
Despite being almost blue blooded, most of your hemosuperiors regard you as a MERE GREEN BLOOD. This is mostly because you seem to have an EASIER time making friends with trolls of lower castes than you. You wish you could be seen as a psuedo-blue blood, but you can't bring yourself to cut ties with any of your lowblood friends.
He looks teal to me. Teal and jade are the castes between green and blue. Technically jade is also a female only caste but hey, even I don't scream canon hard enough to care. Either way, in my opinion most people would think of Weysue as a teal. Maybe jade. Doesn't look very jade to me. They could still have the issues with wanting to be friends with lowbloods, however! Teals are on the cusp of nobility, after all.
On trollian your handle is technicalCanon and you Y0u Speak Rather E10quent1y Even 1f Y0ur C0d1ng Carr1es 0ver 1nt0 Y0ur Speach. But 11ke Y0u G1ve A Fuck, Rea11y.
Binary quirks are also kinda overdone. Not that this quirk is bad, it's simple to read and works for the character, which is exactly what to aim for when making a quirk! Consider using something different to represent their love of robots, if you want? All letters that appear in the word 'ROBOT' being capitalized whenever present, circuits-connecting-their-words, just some ideas.
Pretty solid character overall would definitely RP with. Just add a bit more detail and depth to the profile, it might do Weysue a bit of good. Oh, and before I forget, what is his lusus and how does it act around him? I didn't see it anywhere in the profile, and custodians generally have some kind of impact on their charge's personality. Additionally, what is his fetch modus?
A little sparse, maybe, but good enough to kick off :3 Critique is in this cool blue color. Hopefully it is seen as helpful. |
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nausicaafan
Brownblood
Posts: 32
Identifies as: Nonbinary
Pronouns: It/Its
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Post by nausicaafan on Jul 5, 2015 11:27:17 GMT -5
 Name: Avon Erastus Age: 16 Species: Human Gender: Male Pesterchum: logicalConficence [LC] Guardian: Dad. Avon's father is a well known judge who works a supreme court, he expects a lot from Avon and always tries to encourage his son to grow up to be like him, or at least involved in the law in some manner. God Tier: Page of Mind - One who Invites Exploitation of Mind or one who Invites Exploitation through Mind. Interests: Disguises, chess, law, debating and meditation. Personality: Avon acts as if he's completely confident in his ability to see things from a logical or rational point of view. He believes himself to be completely unbiased, but in reality it's really it’s obvious his own emotions and passions bleed into his every argument. This can be seen as a flaw as he may come off as a hypocrite to others or just seem like a complete two-faced jerk. Avon thinks he's thought of every possibility, but he tends to miss a few ways that things could unfold. This means that while yes, he does think things over, he may need to give even more time and thought to his actions or he'll rush his choices and potentially screw up. Even when arguing or debating with others he might try to act like he doesn’t care at all about something or that he's indifferent to attempts at riling him up into a passion of some sort. But what he doesn’t realize at first is that he's incited to his own emotions very easily, still thinking that he's a paragon of indifference and apathy all the while. Which means despite perhaps some of his friends efforts and even partial (or 'complete') success Avon will almost always revert back into the same mindset and it will seem like he's really not getting anywhere even though he is. Avon also tries to be a master of disguise and think he's doing it very well, but of course nobody is fooled and it’s really obvious that it’s him. He could probably send a message on anon to someone and that person would be like "Haha Avon is that you? It’s totally you lol." Which won't be very helpful in stealth or undercover missions / sections outside and inside of SBURB. |
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Paramour
Brownblood
I'm a level 5 Vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.
Posts: 30
Identifies as: Nonbinary
Pronouns: Ze/Hir/Hirs
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Post by Paramour on Jul 5, 2015 22:25:28 GMT -5
I'm having way too much trouble getting her character to come across in her profile and I need an outside person to look at this and tell me if they actually get an idea of her character. I haven't written an MSPA-style intro in years so just description   Very serious, Nyesia speaks quietly but firmly and is not prone to joking. When she does joke, her sense of humor tends to be dark and she doesn’t laugh much. She hardly smiles, either. Just in general she tends to take things way too seriously. Stubborn and almost forceful in conversation, Nyesia is somebody used to having power. However, she usually remains relatively polite to other highbloods unless angered. Lowbloods she tends to flaunt her caste over, and she's highly hemist, believing that her blood makes her better than trolls of lower bloods. She sometimes appears nervous when she doesn't think she has to impress anybody, and always has at least two lighters on her. When she feels anxious or stressed (which is often, though she'll never admit it out loud, not even to her matesprit) she has a habit of setting things on fire, and sometimes not even on purpose. In general she enjoys quiet, subdued activities, which she's aware is atypical for a member of her cult. She does not care. She can enjoy her reading and her gardening and her cooking (and accidentally setting the kitchen on fire - she is not a good cook) and still paint her face and worship the Mirthful Messiahs. Her calm, serious demeanor, hair-trigger temper, and polite manner of speech only serve to make her more frightening, in some trolls' opinions. She is extremely ritualistic and extremely devout, praying frequently to the Mirthful Messiahs and constantly striving to achieve some sort of ridiculously high standard she believes they hold their followers to. She tends to look down upon the majority of other subjugglators for their behavior and judges whether or not they believe enough based on these standards. She absolutely refuses to ever go to dark carnival gatherings. She isn't all fire and doom, however, as she does enjoy some typical dark carnival activites when with her painted siblings. She enjoys arson and mindless destruction, grows some dank herb in her garden, and rather frequently makes sacrificial offerings to the Mirthful Messiahs in the form of lowbloods she burns alive. Quite a pleasant and friendly troll, really! She lacks chucklevoodoo abilities, as far as she can tell. It’s a little bit annoying to her, and actually a little concerning. Why haven’t the Mirthful Messiahs blessed her with abilities, as devoted as she is, when trolls who don't even come close to passing her standards have them? She’s sort of working on figuring it out. She's always on trollian at scorchingSpirituality, though usually it's because she leaves it running in the background on her smartgrub and she's usually late to check messages, and writes in such a way that sparks seem t* alm*st fly fr*m her w*rds. |
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Chairman
Brownblood
No sir, not gettin' outta this chair.
Posts: 44
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Post by Chairman on Jul 5, 2015 22:41:57 GMT -5
I'm having way too much trouble getting her character to come across in her profile and I need an outside person to look at this and tell me if they actually get an idea of her character. I haven't written an MSPA-style intro in years so just description Very serious, Nyesia speaks quietly but firmly and is not prone to joking. When she does joke, her sense of humor tends to be dark and she doesn’t laugh much. She hardly smiles, either. Just in general she tends to take things way too seriously. Stubborn and almost forceful in conversation, Nyesia is somebody used to having power. However, she usually remains relatively polite to other highbloods unless angered. Lowbloods she tends to flaunt her caste over, and she's highly hemist, believing that her blood makes her better than trolls of lower bloods.
Total buzzkill, got it. Solid so far, if that's what you were going for.
She sometimes appears nervous when she doesn't think she has to impress anybody, That sounds a little awkward. Maybe try 'When she doesn't feel the need to impress, sometimes her nervous side slips through. and always has at least two lighters on her. When she feels anxious or stressed (which is often, though she'll never admit it out loud, not even to her matesprit) she has a habit of setting things on fire, and sometimes not even on purpose.
Okay, so, total buzzkill that struggles to maintain a cool/calm demeanor to hide her inner anxious shell and ends up kinda shunting her emotions to the side. That's not a long run recipe for disaster!
In general she enjoys quiet, subdued activities, which she's aware is atypical for a member of her cult. She does not care. She can enjoy her reading and her gardening and her cooking (and accidentally setting the kitchen on fire - she is not a good cook) and still paint her face and worship the Mirthful Messiahs. Her calm, serious demeanor, hair-trigger temper, and polite manner of speech only serve to make her more frightening, in some trolls' opinions.
She is extremely ritualistic and extremely devout, praying frequently to the Mirthful Messiahs and constantly striving to achieve some sort of ridiculously high standard she believes they hold their followers to. She tends to look down upon the majority of other subjugglators for their behavior and judges whether or not they believe enough based on these standards. She absolutely refuses to ever go to dark carnival gatherings.
Buzzkill trying to keep cool while doing buzzkill activities. She scares a lot of people for soooome reason, maybe to keep them away? Aw. That's sad. The extreme devoutness makes me thinks her self-worth may have a few holes in it.
She isn't all fire and doom, however, as she does enjoy some typical dark carnival activites when with her painted siblings. She enjoys arson and mindless destruction, grows some dank herb in her garden, and rather frequently makes sacrificial offerings to the Mirthful Messiahs in the form of lowbloods she burns alive. Quite a pleasant and friendly troll, really!
Dark bruh. But that's alright, what highblood is complete without vicious murder? If this were a more traditional profile I'd probably ask how much herb she does and how often but since this is more of a personality thing, eh. Probably to distract herself from whatever is driving her to be so dang devout and destructive.
She lacks chucklevoodoo abilities, as far as she can tell. It’s a little bit annoying to her, and actually a little concerning. Why haven’t the Mirthful Messiahs blessed her with abilities, as devoted as she is, when trolls who don't even come close to passing her standards have them? She’s sort of working on figuring it out.
Self-esteem taken down with a TKO.
She's always on trollian at scorchingSpirituality, though usually it's because she leaves it running in the background on her smartgrub and she's usually late to check messages, and writes in such a way that sparks seem t* alm*st fly fr*m her w*rds.
If you were going for 'Highblood holding themselves to high standards to mask a broken interior' you got it. In a more traditional profile I'd also request mention of age and where the hell her lusus is. Also, fetch modus and strife specibus. But for just a basic personality grasp, you got it p. a'ight. I would also like to ask what plants she favors gardening the most as well as what books she is drawn to. These would give more insight into her character. Same color as always. Damn. That's a really nice sprite, I must say.Name: Avon Erastus Age: 16 Species: Human Gender: Male Pesterchum: logicalConficence [LC] Guardian: Dad. Avon's father is a well known judge who works a supreme court, he expects a lot from Avon and always tries to encourage his son to grow up to be like him, or at least involved in the law in some manner. God Tier: Page of Mind - One who Invites Exploitation of Mind or one who Invites Exploitation through Mind. Interests: Disguises, chess, law, debating and meditation. Personality: Avon acts as if he's completely confident in his ability to see things from a logical or rational point of view. He believes himself to be completely unbiased, but in reality it's really it’s obvious his own emotions and passions bleed into his every argument. This can be seen as a flaw as he may come off as a hypocrite to others or just seem like a complete two-faced jerk. Avon thinks he's thought of every possibility, but he tends to miss a few ways that things could unfold. This means that while yes, he does think things over, he may need to give even more time and thought to his actions or he'll rush his choices and potentially screw up. Even when arguing or debating with others he might try to act like he doesn’t care at all about something or that he's indifferent to attempts at riling him up into a passion of some sort. But what he doesn’t realize at first is that he's incited to his own emotions very easily, still thinking that he's a paragon of indifference and apathy all the while. Which means despite perhaps some of his friends efforts and even partial (or 'complete') success Avon will almost always revert back into the same mindset and it will seem like he's really not getting anywhere even though he is. Avon also tries to be a master of disguise and think he's doing it very well, but of course nobody is fooled and it’s really obvious that it’s him. He could probably send a message on anon to someone and that person would be like "Haha Avon is that you? It’s totally you lol." Which won't be very helpful in stealth or undercover missions / sections outside and inside of SBURB.
I usually don't critique fanhumans, but I can try with this. Strife specibus and fetch modus but this, again, is just a personality grasper. So I will focus there. I like the fact that he's flawed, believing himself objective while actually letting his bias influence him heavily. What does he like to argue? Does he argue over everything?
You could also shorten the part about him not thinking of all possibilities to 'He believes that he can think of all outcomes, but really he is unable to always think of them all. If he spent more time thinking before rushing ahead, he might screw up less often.'
I don't know what 'incited to his own emotions' means. Perhaps you meant 'influenced by his own emotions very easily'?
I have no idea what the part about success means, I'm sorry. How does that come out of him being influenced heavily by his emotions? What do you mean by success? Just him winning an argument? You might want to just reword that section because I'm having trouble understanding what you're going for.
Why does he like to be a master of disguise? What got him into that? Why isn't anyone fooled by his disguises? Is he just unable to act differently from his usual self at all?
You mentioned he liked chess, law, debate, and meditation, but really only the disguise part of his interests was expanded on. Couldn't hurt to explore what he does with those other interests.[ Same here too! |
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Jaye
Brownblood
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Post by Jaye on Jul 6, 2015 2:28:31 GMT -5
I'm shoving sections under spoilers as I reply to them. (I hope all the quote below went into spoilers - still getting used to the differences in coding here). If I may kick us off... Here's a character I used for one of the first iterations of The FLARP Zone. Character symbols like that are kinda overused, just a nitpick since they're usually a cop-out from a lot of people. However, I do like the hair and horns a lot! Symbols.com is a great resource for other symbols if you want to change it (or for future trolls). I'm a fan of the hobo sign system myself.Yeah, I know. That's why I usually pre-emptively explain the hemosymbol (I just... didn't this time). Weysue is actually one in a set of several trolls - and all the trolls are based off of various Chinese constellations. Hence using Kanji for the symbol. Thank you for the positive feedback on the horns and hair, though! I am proud of them :3 Your name is WEYSUE FUYEAU. Age in solar sweeps? A lot of homestuck profiles have those and it's good to know, since an older troll is slightly more likely to act more maturely. Or at least know more about the world. Character depth etc. etc.
Last name sounds dangerously close to "fuck yeah" to me. This is hardly a bad thing. To me, it is kickass.I... forgot to mention the age. Oh. Uh. Um yeah so it was somewhere around 6-7 sweeps. Also huh. That i the firt time I've noticed that about the surname. Probably because I generally pronounce more like... "hoo-ye-ow". Again, bastardisation of the Mandarin pronounciation to do with the constellation. Though I'm not saying no to more badarsery. And you love ROBOTICS. You spend most of your time with your hands in some kind of ROBOTIC PROJECT. You even once made yourself a DREAMBOT so you could keep up with that super annoying rustblood you are in spades with. But not all of your bots are troll-like, you also speciali (z)e in making DRONE BOTS for your robotkind specibus deck. They fight entirely with drones? They must go through them fast to require an entire strife deck to house more of them. If they're remote controlled, that would mean Weysue would need to get a remote from her fetch modus which might present a problem. Where do they get the parts for such drones, including other robots? Barter? Scavenging? How obsessed with robots is this troll? Like, apart from time spent with other hobbies, do they fail to properly take care of themselves as they work? Not enough drinking or eating or sleeping, things like that. Just something to consider.
Not much I can say about the dreambot. Interesting idea to see how they managed to come up with that design. Might also be interesting to see how they cope with technically never actually going to sleep. Most people enjoy the few hours of respite from the world when they sleep, but this person would be 'awake' 24/7.(Nope - I spell with Australian English - it's speciali se with an ' S'.) I'm not sure what your first/second sentence is really saying, but I think the answer is no? Each card would hold a different type of drone - but each card would hold many of the same type of drone. So, if Weysue pulled out one card from the specibus deck, they would have a small swarm of drones at their disposal. The drones (last time I used them) where voice-controlled. Though I kinda like the added annoyance of having to grab the remote from a modus. The short is: thanks for giving me more to think about. The long is they're not that obsessed and I imagine he bought the bits? (Idk - how did Equius get his? I need to research that.) Of course you need something to occupy your occular globes while you work so you tend to binge watch ROMANTIC SERIAL DRAMAS. They are so ridiculous and over the top but you're not even gonna lie you LOVE THEM. When you have a spare moment between bot projects, you like to get out and do some PHOTOGRAPHY. It's just a side thing you do for fun. What do they like to photograph? Do they have a particular favorite when it comes to romantic serial dramas? I don't expect in depth reasoning for liking these things, but it's always nice to add little snippets of personality when mentioning hobbies.Ha, yeah, this is where the 'not very fleshed out' really makes itself known. I know photography is a hobby I want him to have but I'm not yet sure about the details. Not to offend anyone who likes them, but soap operas (/romantic serial dramas) are all kinda the same. I'd name drop one if I roleplayed more than FLARP with them but other than a name drop, I felt it didn't really add much to say a favourite. Despite being almost blue blooded, most of your hemosuperiors regard you as a MERE GREEN BLOOD. This is mostly because you seem to have an EASIER time making friends with trolls of lower castes than you. You wish you could be seen as a psuedo-blue blood, but you can't bring yourself to cut ties with any of your lowblood friends. He looks teal to me. Teal and jade are the castes between green and blue. Technically jade is also a female only caste but hey, even I don't scream canon hard enough to care. Either way, in my opinion most people would think of Weysue as a teal. Maybe jade. Doesn't look very jade to me. They could still have the issues with wanting to be friends with lowbloods, however! Teals are on the cusp of nobility, after all.asdghjkl; I'm not sure if you misunderstood or if I failed to explain it properly. Yes, he's teal. Teal's are mentioned to be 'almost blue blood' or 'pseudo-blue bloods'. Green bloods - which aren't a caste - are what one collectively calls the midbloods (Olive, Jade & Teal). Everyone does think of Weysue as a teal caste - but he misses out on that elusive 'psuedo-blue blood teal-caste' status because they befriend so many lowbloods. Doe... that make more sense? tl;dr: You just repeated what I said <_< On trollian your handle is technicalCanon and you Y0u Speak Rather E10quent1y Even 1f Y0ur C0d1ng Carr1es 0ver 1nt0 Y0ur Speach. But 11ke Y0u G1ve A Fuck, Rea11y. Binary quirks are also kinda overdone. Not that this quirk is bad, it's simple to read and works for the character, which is exactly what to aim for when making a quirk! Consider using something different to represent their love of robots, if you want? All letters that appear in the word 'ROBOT' being capitalized whenever present, circuits-connecting-their-words, just some ideas.Yeah, I knew binary was a bit weak. At least I jazzed it up with an extra quirk in there! I like the 'circuits' connecting their words idea but I'll have to think on it :3 Pretty solid character overall would definitely RP with. Just add a bit more detail and depth to the profile, it might do Weysue a bit of good. Oh, and before I forget, what is his lusus and how does it act around him? I didn't see it anywhere in the profile, and custodians generally have some kind of impact on their charge's personality. Additionally, what is his fetch modus? Lusus and modus:  I don't know. Weysue is based off of the ' Dragon Tail' constellation, but I can't have a fricking teal dragon lusus. Especially since another troll in the set needs a dragon lusus more. So lusus is still I am terrible with fetch modii so always leave them until I have to think of one  Thank you for the feedback - this was quite useful and gave me some stuff to think about. And a bit of feedback on communication |
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Moike
Mustardblood
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Post by Moike on Jul 6, 2015 5:20:16 GMT -5
 > Be the painfully obvious LimebloodDISCLAIMER: I'm very aware of their extinction. So, don't bring that up I guess. You are now CASTON ARLKAT and you try, you really do.
You try and learn to be a REAL TROLL like everyone else, but whats the point if you need to lie about what you really are! You are tough like them, and you are trying to be as mean as one, but the fear of being caught by some highblood or even a lowblood for that matter just scares you! The worst part is, you're trying to make a good life In a City of all places. Midbloods , Lowbloods , and the rare sightings of Highbloods arent really the place for a Troll in Training to be afterall!
Regardless, you try and squeeze in small things to do while trying to fit in. That's what trolls do, right? You enjoy to read MAGAZINES of all kinds! Pop-Culture, Hit Games , Fashion , Movies and even the juicy secrets of Troll Celebrity's! It's perfect to blend in with others with idle conversation. CHATTING isn't much of an Interest as it is a learning experience! Though, alot of them seem to be snarky and mean, as they have bite with their bark, you however don't. You have a hobby of trying to impress people with WEIGHT LIFTING, however you arent very good at it...
Though, you don't ever tell anyone this, you have a MUTATION that is essentially in your words, 'FAST HEALING'. You aren't sure how it would be for fatal wounds or anything, but you know your broken arm healed in a Week! You also got a scrap on your nose that healed in an hour, so to keep them from suspecting anything, you wear this band-aid So, their is that at least right? You aren't sure but, This could have to do with your actual blood color being some sortof discoloration of Olive. But, you call it LIME to keep things simple. It could be some weird blood mutation cause you have never seen anyone with your color before. Better to be safe than sorry!
You have a LUSUS sortof. He doesn't seem very bright and is pretty small to begin with. COYOTE-PAPA is what you call him. He just runs out for weeks at a time and brings you back things to research on how to not be a 'Socially Awkward' Troll. You definitely aren't that, right? You do use TROLLIAN after all.
Your TROLLHANDLE is ambiguouslyAvowed and TRY not to yell when talking. BUT it just slips out in the beginning. IS this how trolls talk? i tried. |
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Chairman
Brownblood
No sir, not gettin' outta this chair.
Posts: 44
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Post by Chairman on Jul 8, 2015 0:42:28 GMT -5
Green bloods - which aren't a caste Darn, my greenbloods. I will never save them from being uncaste-ified. Point being I don't recall that ever actually being mentioned in canon. It might be just us having differing interpretations of how the caste system would work, but I don't think having lowblooded friends would remove whatever pseudo-royal status he has. At worst he'd probably just get made fun of by nobles. Or maybe that's what you're trying to say. Either way, thanks for taking the critique so nicely. It's refreshing. > Be the painfully obvious LimebloodDISCLAIMER: I'm very aware of their extinction. So, don't bring that up I guess. Eh, looks kinda more olive to me, but lime we'll go for.You are now CASTON ARLKAT and you try, you really do. Age?
You try and learn to be a REAL TROLL like everyone else, but whats the point if you need to lie about what you really are! You are tough like them, and you are trying to be as mean as one, but the fear of being caught by some highblood or even a lowblood for that matter just scares you! The worst part is, you're trying to make a good life in a city of all places. Midbloods, Lowbloods, and the rare sightings of Highbloods aren't really the place for a Troll in Training to be after all!
What exactly do you mean by 'real troll'? It kinda sounds like you're describing someone who is trying to be as mean and grumpy as the stereotypical average troll. If they're a lime fearing being hunted down (which it kinda also sounds like?) why would they want to be a real troll at all? They'd probably be more focused on the whole 'not dying' thing.
Regardless, you try and squeeze in small things to do while trying to fit in. That's what trolls do, right? You enjoy reading MAGAZINES of all kinds! Pop-Culture, Hit Games , Fashion , Movies and even the juicy secrets of Troll Celebrities! It's perfect to blend in with others with idle conversation. CHATTING isn't much of an Interest as it is a learning experience! Though, a lot of them seem to be snarky and mean, as they have bite with their bark, you however don't. You have a hobby of trying to impress people with WEIGHT LIFTING, however you aren't very good at it...
Woah woah woah, slow down. Okay, so, I guess he must be trying to 'fit in' so he can hide in plain sight? He either wears a fake color then or is an anonymous caste. Either is acceptable, he'd just also have to make pains to never ever blush, cry, or bleed in the presence of anyone ever. Okay, so, he likes to read magazines of all kinds because he uses it to talk to other people. That's good, that's a neat interest. You could explore that by talking about which particular kind he favors most, whether he actively combs for info of certain celebrities and ends up getting caught in the hype surrounding him despite only trying to blend in. He also apparently just plain talks to others as a hobby? That's a little barebones. For a person trying not to get killed for having lime blood (assuming that's the reason for his fright) he would probably try to not talk to people as much as possible. Hell, trolls are noted as being not very social as it is.
Where does weight lifting even come from? Does he do it in case he gets attacked? To impress people? To make himself feel tougher than he actually is? You should try and go more in depth and answer those kinds of questions.
Though, you don't ever tell anyone this, you have a MUTATION that is essentially in your words, 'FAST HEALING'. You aren't sure how it would be for fatal wounds or anything, but you know your broken arm healed in a Week! You also got a scrap on your nose that healed in an hour, so to keep them from suspecting anything, you wear this band-aid. So, there is that at least right? You aren't sure but, This could have to do with your actual blood color being some sort of discoloration of Olive. But, you call it LIME to keep things simple. It could be some weird blood mutation cause you have never seen anyone with your color before. Better to be safe than sorry!
If he heals quickly, then scars would heal quickly as well, right? That would eliminate the need for the band-aid at all. Also, I hope he remembers to actually set his bones properly before they heal. It probably wouldn't be very fun to have a bone 'healed' into the wrong position. That's a fine mutation/power to have, at least. Just remember (which I think you've already noted via the band-aid) that people will probably notice if he's totally fine a week after getting his rib cage smashed apart.
You have a LUSUS sort of. He doesn't seem very bright and is pretty small to begin with. COYOTE-PAPA is what you call him. He just runs out for weeks at a time and brings you back things to research on how to not be a 'Socially Awkward' Troll. You definitely aren't that, right? You do use TROLLIAN after all.
Does his lusus always hang around him protectively? Does the lusus let him do his own thing so he can learn from his mistakes? A custodian should have some sort of 'parenting' style in mind for him that will have some sort of effect on him, after all.
Your TROLLHANDLE is ambiguouslyAvowed and TRY not to yell when talking. BUT it just slips out in the beginning. IS this how trolls talk?
Kind of a basic quirk. You could stand to jazz it up a little bit! Instead of just the first word, maybe every other word? Like so: "Try not TO yell WHEN talking."
If you're going for even more of a socially awkward angle, you could also end every sentence with an ellipses - '...'
It's typically seen as an awkward thing to do. i tried. And you did alright! I like the idea of a person trying to fit in with other trolls despite finding it difficult to do so. The issue is that he's also trying to hide his blood, I think? Such a person would probably not want to spend too much time in the company of people who might, at any moment, try to stab him. If he's focusing on hiding in plain sight, he should wear a regular olive color or go hemo-anon. As it is, I think he already might be wearing a more olive color? Lime is a bit more bright than that. You ever seen a real lime fruit? Make it a little brighter than that, bordering on yellow. Now it's lime.
Really he could just do with some fleshing out, and I do like that 'power' of his for a lime mutation. Also, where is his strife specibus and fetch modus? Kind of important things. Even if he has no weaponry, it'd still be important to note that his strife specibus is not allocated. Finally got around to doing this, sorry for the wait. |
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Moike
Mustardblood
Posts: 154
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Post by Moike on Jul 8, 2015 3:58:13 GMT -5
Ah, thank you! I actually made this off the fly to essentially make a base for the character, so. But, yes! Hiding in plain sight is what I was going for. He is Lime, yes, but I put it as Olive as to hide as another blood color. I'm not much of a fan with Grey and stuff cause It's kinda obvious anyways. He wants to forget the fact he's a Limeblood so he can be a Lowblood who's very Hemoloyal. The Weight lifting is more or less his way of showing off rather than self defense, kinda so he can be popular I guess. (Still, It's hella late and I'd put in more stuff but I just needed a base to build off from, so thank you.) |
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Necro
Brownblood
just ripped a mad bong
Posts: 82
Pronouns: [Other] (See Signature)
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Post by Necro on Jul 8, 2015 9:55:57 GMT -5
I AM still NOT GOOD WITH BIOS HOW DID I GET HERE?  Ublich DopantYour name is UBLICH DOPANT and as far as you can tell you are at least 9 SWEEPS old. Your blood is PURPLE and as such you are expected to be an enforcer of sorts for the royal caste. However, you've taken to a life of isolation. You've felt your time and efforts could be best spent on perfecting your craft as an APOTHECORRUPTOR. A title suited for one with your kind of MEDICINAL talents. So you have little to no involvement in Highblood-Royalblood relations, yet. You spend countless nights and sleepless days toiling away inside your insidious HIVE trying to uncover the secrets of ALTERNIA's organic lifeforms. This, of course includes the troll population. Speaking of your hive you are cozily located far from prying eyes in your SWAMP. Where your only worry are the odd FLARPER that ventures too deep and the filthy GYPSIES that hide away in it. A few of which who have become subjects for your EXPERIMENTS. For the sake of PROGRESS, nothing can be considered too heinous or immoral. In fact, you seem to have thrown morality completely out the metaphorical window. This lack of medical morals has left some with a poor OPINION of you. Calling you INSANE behind closed doors. Let none say you never gave your VICTIMS a chance, though. You fancied yourself a GAMBLING troll and always let them attempt a chance at winning their LIVES back. This generally involved traditional games of your region. Poker, black jack, dice, and roulette respectively. You not only were LUCKY at them but were a skilled CHEATER as well. You have yet to lose a bet or patient. At some point in your life you've taken a hobby of HABERDASHERY, enjoying the crafting of fine HEADWEAR. It was a coping mechanism for when you've become frustrated with work. But soon grew into another horrible obsession, The method you used was ARCHAIC at best and the chemicals used has cause you to take on the symptoms of MAD HATTER disease. Your body left WEAKER than the regular HIGHBLOOD and your pan hazy and CONFUSED at times. With your memory dwindling because of this, you've become dependent on JOURNAL entries. You feel as if you pour your LIFE into these JOURNALS. Chronicling every experiment, meal or encounter as to prevent your life from unraveling during your lapses in memory. Some nights you catch yourself spending hours relearning your EARLIER YEARS, a nostalgic ritual of yours to say the least. Despite your disabilities, you fancy yourself a ROMANTIC. But alas, you have quadrants as bare as a red-blood's pantry. Once, long ago, you had your SPADE stolen. This particular troll is the first ever to fall into your hive-trap and ESCAPE. Not only damaging your EGO but also breaking your HORN in the process. You had decided to HUNT this troll down which brought you to a quaint CAFE where you met several trolls you had not expected to find. Including a new SPADE...for now In your lonesome quadrant and friendless life, you've come to find comfort in lady luck and an actual spiritual guidance. Your DECK OF PLAYING CARDS being your most favorite possession. You've gone so far as to make them your Strife Specibus. Giving you a keen aim and nimble wrists. Your nimbleness further improved by your love of tricks and the art of SLEIGHT-OF-HAND. In fact you rely on your deft hands all the time with your SLEIGHT-OF-HAND Modus. Though, sometimes it becomes a burden when you find your self pulling out, once again, 20ft of tied together handkerchiefs or a dead hopbeast. You swear you've never captchalogued them and yet there they are. Your trolltag is confusedHaberdasher and you type “ [| slyly with a slight HATtention to HATs, mon ami.” while your laughter can be heard echoing in the swamps.  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Semoce Hoglaz Your name is SEMOCE HOGLAZ and you are SEVEN AND A HALF SWEEPS old. You are the master failure of FEAR.
Sadly you fall in the worst possible position in the RED caste. But hey on the bright side you have been hatched with the exceptionally useful ABILITY to psychically fill a victim with FEAR, it is simply a SHAME there hasn't been a troll hatched low enough to fall susceptible to it. But did this stop you from pursuing your rightful place as the MASTER OF FEAR? No, but the other trolls who enjoy grabbing you and stuffing STRAW into your clothing has certainly put a major SPEED BUMP on the road to TERROR KING. When not being TROLL-HANDLED ROUGHLY by your PEERS you often abuse the beasts in the wild with your power to entertain you and fuel your fragile EGO.
Because of your power falling victim to the HEMOSPECTRUM you have developed nothing but scorn and hatred for it. This however does not mean you've gathered the COURAGE to say anything about it. It's hard to start a rebellion when ever your PEERS look down on you. You long for the day when all colors bow before you in TERROR. Which of course will happen some night soon, right?
Too make ends meet you work on a NUTRIENTS FARM scaring off small FEATHERBEASTS away in exchange for ceagars. While being a living SCARECROW humiliates you causing said beasts to run in fear of you brings you one of your few joys in life. This pay fuels your lonesome hobby of reading STORY BOOKS. You enjoy them so much that you are sometimes known for QUOTING them. With your harsh life on ALTERNIA their fictitious ESCAPES is all you have to keep yourself relatively SANE. Your favorites of course being all in the HORROR genre though you hold a specially place in your blood pump for the EDGY FAIRY TALES OF BAD ENDINGS. Some call them wrigglerish and silly, but to you they are a golden treasure of a golden age of SADNESS.
Keeping you alive is a FEATHERBEAST Lusus. This specific FEATHERBEAST is very RAVEN like if it had been compared to human birds. Well if you ignore the three eyes. It often wonders how it raised such a failure of a troll. One would think constantly scaring the DICKENS out you would teach you a thing or two on how to behave. But no, you drive your Lusus to drink and wish he chose another.
Your fetch modus is MURDER. Haha! No silly, you are not murdering anyone! All your inventory flocks together in such a lovely mess it's like a murder of crows in there. Good luck finding anything amongst all those captcha-cards. In the violence department you wield the fearsome FORKKIND. Well it would be fearsome if the only viable weapon in the kind you own wasn't a silly old PITCHFORK.
Your trolltag is ornithoPhobiac and when you laugh you tend to get a little out of CAWntrol, CAW CAW CAW CAW! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Samael Annapa Your name is SAMAEL ANNAPA and you are 6.5 sweep old today! Too bad half wriggling days don't count! Then again, real wriggling days don't mean anything to you either! Your blood color is CERULEAN and You reside north of the swamps and east of the nearest city. You travel to both frequently on your small RIVERBOAT you made yourself. On your journey you try to educate trolls on the AFTERLIFE. Unlike other DEATH obsessed trolls you don't desire to cull in great quantities. You simply wish to prepare trolls for their UNTIMELY DEMISE. The AFTERLIFE has always been a topic of both interest and curiosity to you. You do not fear it, but you also do not live in ignorance of it. Your duty to the AFTERLIFE doesn't end there. You also are a practiced UNDERTAKER. You make it your goal to perform sacred rights and BURNINGS of all corpses you come across lest they RISE UP ONCE MORE. Though you get to meet, befriend, and give final farewells to many trolls] in Alternia this way, your only true friend is your JACKALBEAST lusus. While he doesn't talk much, he is a firm protector to you while you embark on your duties to the AFTERLIFE. You are a curious troll to say the least.
Your opinion on theHEMOSPECTRUM is the same as how you feel about death, it's a part of life. Though, you choose to mask yourself as to lessen the bias of BOTH ENDS OF THE SPECTRUM when doing your work with dying trolls.
You also have found a fondness for certain activities in your travels. You've gotten pretty good at GAMES of the TRADITIONAL variety. Ones meant to be played between two trolls like connect quads and chexers. In fact, you fancy yourself pretty savvy at these sort of games. When in your lonesome on your RIVER travels, you've taken to playing music with the BONES instrument. Music is actually another big part of your life. As many ears as you can talk off about the AFTERLIFE you could do with music as well. Everything in the realm of spirituality seems to find itself on your tongue when speaking with others.
Your strife specibus is LAMPKIND. Specifically the LAMP you use to guide your RIVERBOAT. Not only does it guide the RIVERBOAT but it double for your modus. You guide your inventory out and into the plain of existence. Your troll tag is guidedFerryman and you e☠emPlIfy your devotIon to the afteRlIfe. [/spoiler] |
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Chairman
Brownblood
No sir, not gettin' outta this chair.
Posts: 44
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Post by Chairman on Jul 8, 2015 11:38:36 GMT -5
I AM still NOT GOOD WITH BIOS HOW DID I GET HERE? Ublich Dopant Your name is UBLICH DOPANT and as far as you can tell you are at least 9 SWEEPS old. Your blood is PURPLE and as such you are expected to be an enforcer of sorts for the royal caste. However, you've taken to a life of isolation. You've felt your time and efforts could be best spent on perfecting your craft as an APOTHECORRUPTOR. So you have little to no involvement in Highblood-Royalblood relations, yet. You spend countless nights and sleepless days toiling away inside your insidious HIVE trying to uncover the secrets of Alternia's ORGANIC population. This, of course includes the troll population. What exactly does an Apothecorruptor do? You'd be amazed how many people would not know what an apothecary is. The line about organic population is a little weird. What secrets? Like, what is he specifically trying to discover? Or are you purposefully leaving it vague so Ublich can do what he wants and just tip his hat while mumbling 'science' under his breath?Speaking of your hive you are cozily located far from prying eyes in your SWAMP. Where your only worry are the odd flarper that ventures too deep and the filthy gypsies that hide away in it. A few of which who have become subjects for your EXPERIMENTS. For the sake of PROGRESS, nothing can be considered too heinous or immoral. In fact, you seem to have thrown morality completely out the metaphorical window. This lack of medical morals has left some with a poor OPINION of you. Calling you such things as DEVIL and INSANE behind closed doors. Only thing I have to say here is that the 'crazy secluded doctor' thing has been done a lot. Not that you can't do it well! Just putting that out there that you'll have to work hard to pull it off in a manner that doesn't come over as cliche. Nothing new under the sun etc.Let none say you never gave your VICTIMS a chance, though. You fancied yourself a GAMBLING troll and always let them attempt a chance at winning their LIVES back. This generally involved traditional games of your region. Poker, black jack, dice, and roulette respectively. You not only were GOOD at them but were a skilled CHEATER as well. You have yet to lose a bet so far. But you are not always so lucky as to get a victim. Sometimes progress can't wait for luck to go your way and you've been forced to EXPERIMENT upon YOURSELF. How did his early adventures in gambling go? I can't imagine he was an expert off the bat. You probably shouldn't include whatever your answer is in the profile, it's just food for thought. Backstory stuff shouldn't leak too heavily into profiles, blah blah blah. Etc. Really, so far I'm having trouble thinking of what to critique. Has he ever been caught cheating? Does he cheat to screw people out of their chances of escape from his experiments?Experimenting on yourself has taken a harsh toll on your HEALTH. The PAIN of experimenting on yourself became too much for you. In an act of DESPERATION you had tweaked your nerves resulting in the inability to FEEL anything. A mistake you still REGRET to this day. Your tainted body continues on even further with your proud and noble purple blood becoming tainted and harmful. Any contact with it from anyone other than you would quickly find themselves numb and paralyzed temporarily. That's not exactly realistic in the slightest. As in, you're gonna get a lot of people calling bullshit on how that even works. Blood is a finicky thing that doesn't like to be messed with too much or it just kills you. I do like the fact it has a serious drawback to Ublich though, and given that Trollverse has a lot of impossible BS known as powers... Depends on how long the paralysis lasts. Seconds? Minute? It helps to define that sort of thing so it can't be a 'Ublich stabs himself and bleeds on his enemy, they are now paralyzed, Ublich wins' button.
For instance, does it need to be ingested to cause paralysis? How much of it needs to get in to do so and how quickly is 'quickly'?
Also, make sure to have fun with him breaking bones and not realizing it for a week. The joys of having no pain to tell you to get your hand off the stove.At some point in your life you've taken a hobby of HABERDASHERY, enjoying the crafting of fine HEADWEAR. It was a coping mechanism for when you've become frustrated with work. But soon grew into another horrible obsession, The method you used was ARCHAIC at best and the chemicals used has cause you to take on the symptoms of MAD HATTER disease. Your body left weaker than the regular Highblood and your pan hazy and confused at times. Neat, mercury poisoning. Poor guy. Not much to say on the interest itself, not really sure how he really managed to work frustration out by making hats. Then again some people swear video games are good for frustration. I bet he likes top hats the best. Does he keep all the hats he's made as heirlooms and keepsakes or does he ever sell or give them away?With your memory dwindling because of this, what was once filled with childhood joys soon were replaced by formulae and mathematics. Your own age even escapes you now. The only thing keeping you together being the dates you keep on every JOURNAL. Huh? You're gonna want to just...explain this more. Journals? He writes a diary? How long has he been doing that? What happens if he misplaces it? What does a typical entry look like?Despite your disabilities, you fancy yourself a ROMANTIC. But alas, you have quadrants as bare as a red-blood's pantry. However most recently a dubious troll has stolen your SPADE. This particular troll is the first ever to fall into your hive-trap and ESCAPE. Not only damaging your EGO but also breaking your HORN in the process. You've taken to dedicating your self to hunting down this troll and evening the score. Now I wonder who this other troll is.While unfortunate as your chance encounter with this wretched troll was, it was about time you left your hive. So many sweeps and nary a QUADRANT? It was about time you squared them away and dodge the inevitable drone bullet heading your way. With your proper demeanor and sly talking who could RESIST a troll such as you anyways? None you could think of anyways! In your lonesome quadrant and friendless life, you've come to find comfort in lady luck and an actual spiritual guidance. Your DECK OF PLAYING CARDS being your most favorite possession. You've gone so far as to make them your Strife Specibus. Giving you a keen aim and nimble wrists. Your nimbleness further improved by your love of tricks and the art of SLEIGHT-OF-HAND. In fact you rely on your deft hands all the time with your SLEIGHT-OF-HAND Modus. Though, sometimes it becomes a burden when you find your self pulling out, once again, 20ft of tied together handkerchiefs or a dead hopbeast. You swear you've never captchalogued them and yet there they are. Your trolltag is confusedHaberdasher and you type “ [| slyly with a slight HATtention to HATs, mon ami.” while your laughter can be heard echoing in the swamps. Solid fantroll, just consider some of the things I mentioned. Overall a good profile. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Semoce Hoglaz Your name is SEMOCE HOGLAZ and you are SEVEN AND A HALF SWEEPS old. You are the master failure of FEAR.
Sadly you fall in the worst possible position in the RED caste. But hey on the bright side you have been hatched with the exceptionally useful ABILITY to psychically fill a victim with FEAR, it is simply a SHAME there hasn't been a troll hatched low enough to fall susceptible to it. But did this stop you from pursuing your rightful place as the MASTER OF FEAR? No, but the other trolls who enjoy grabbing you and stuffing STRAW into your clothing has certainly put a major SPEED BUMP on the road to TERROR KING. When not being TROLL-HANDLED ROUGHLY by your PEERS you often abuse the beasts in the wild with your power to entertain you and fuel your fragile EGO.
Huh, a power that's so weak it can't even affect other redbloods? I haven't seen that one before. Honestly. Interesting idea and way to smash someone's self-esteem.
Because of your power falling victim to the HEMOSPECTRUM you have developed nothing but scorn and hatred for it. This however does not mean you've gathered the COURAGE to say anything about it. It's hard to start a rebellion when ever your PEERS look down on you. You long for the day when all colors bow before you in TERROR. Which of course will happen some night soon, right?
Too make ends meet you work on a NUTRIENTS FARM scaring off small FEATHERBEASTS away in exchange for ceagars. While being a living SCARECROW humiliates you, causing said beasts to run in fear of you brings you one of your few joys in life. This pay fuels your lonesome hobby of reading STORY BOOKS. You enjoy them so much that you are sometimes known for QUOTING them. With your harsh life on ALTERNIA their fictitious ESCAPES is all you have to keep yourself relatively SANE. Your favorites of course being all in the HORROR genre though you hold a specially place in your blood pump for the EDGY FAIRY TALES OF BAD ENDINGS. Some call them wrigglerish and silly, but to you they are a golden treasure of a golden age of SADNESS.
I like this hobby! But he needs more than just 'scaring people' and 'reading' as hobbies, most people go for three. Can you think of something else he'd be into? Note that I included his favorite genres into the reading hobby because it literally is the same thing. His job isn't so much a hobby as a necessity to him. Could he possibly design costumes in an attempt to make himself scary through just the sight of himself? I mean looking in the mirror probably spooks him bad but it's not too effective on others.
Also, consider: Does he have a fear of fire? How about a little fire, scarecrow?
Keeping you alive is a FEATHERBEAST Lusus. This specific FEATHERBEAST is very RAVEN like if it had been compared to human birds. Well if you ignore the three eyes. It often wonders how it raised such a failure of a troll. One would think constantly scaring the DICKENS out you would teach you a thing or two on how to behave. But no, you drive your Lusus to drink and wish he chose another.
How exactly does a raven drink? Does he fuel his lusus' destructive addiction? Inquiring minds want to know. I realize these are minor nitpicks, but stilL!
Your fetch modus is MURDER. Haha! No silly, you are not murdering anyone! All your inventory flocks together in such a lovely mess it's like a murder of crows in there. Good luck finding anything amongst all those captcha-cards. In the violence department you wield the fearsome FORKKIND. Well it would be fearsome if the only viable weapon in the kind you own wasn't a silly old PITCHFORK.
Your trolltag is ornithoPhobiac and when you laugh you tend to get a little out of CAWntrol, CAW CAW CAW CAW! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Samael Annapa Your name is SAMAEL ANNAPA and you are 6.5 sweep old today! Too bad half wriggling days don't count! Then again, real wriggling days don't mean anything to you either! Your blood color is CERULEAN and You reside north of the swamps and east of the nearest city. You travel to both frequently on your small RIVERBOAT you made yourself. On your journey you try to educate trolls on the AFTERLIFE. Unlike other DEATH obsessed trolls you don't desire to cull in great quantities. You simply wish to prepare trolls for their UNTIMELY DEMISE. The AFTERLIFE has always been a topic of both interest and curiosity to you. You do not fear it, but you also do not live in ignorance of it. Your duty to the AFTERLIFE doesn't end there. You also are a practiced UNDERTAKER. You make it your goal to perform sacred rights and BURNINGS of all corpses you come across lest they RISE UP ONCE MORE. Though you get to meet, befriend, and give final farewells to many trolls] in Alternia this way, your only true friend is your JACKALBEAST lusus. While he doesn't talk much, he is a firm protector to you while you embark on your duties to the AFTERLIFE. You are a curious troll to say the least.
A big question is how on Alternia this troll got so interested in death in the first place. That's something for backstory to consider. What exactly does he tell trolls to 'educate' them? What sort of afterlife does he believe in? Where do these beliefs come from? We just don't know, but you can totally fix that.
Your opinion on theHEMOSPECTRUM is the same as how you feel about death, it's a part of life. Though, you choose to mask yourself as to lessen the bias of BOTH ENDS OF THE SPECTRUM when doing your work with dying trolls.
Good enough reason to go anon for me.
You also have found a fondness for certain activities in your travels. You've gotten pretty good at GAMES of the TRADITIONAL variety. Ones meant to be played between two trolls like connect quads and chexers. In fact, you fancy yourself pretty savvy at these sort of games. When in your lonesome on your RIVER travels, you've taken to playing music with the BONES instrument. Music is actually another big part of your life. As many ears as you can talk off about the AFTERLIFE you could do with music as well. Everything in the realm of spirituality seems to find itself on your tongue when speaking with others.
What kind of music does he favor with his instrument? What role does music play in his belief in the afterlife? Has this troll developed his own belief on how Trolls meet their hatcher in the great beyond??? So many questions. Also, there's just something bothering me about the games aspect. Why exactly does he like playing them at all? Does he have a customized chexers set with skull and bones pieces? Could they ALSO play a role in death?? Whoever beats him at a game is fated to die!? Things like this should be explored.
Your strife specibus is LAMPKIND. Specifically the LAMP you use to guide your RIVERBOAT. Not only does it guide the RIVERBOAT but it double for your modus. You guide your inventory out and into the plain of existence. Your troll tag is guidedFerryman and you e☠emPlIfy your devotIon to the afteRlIfe. I did it. Three profiles in one post. Slay me. |
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Silvy
Mustardblood
its summer i got my hat on backwards and im here to mcfreakin party
Posts: 101
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Post by Silvy on Jul 8, 2015 13:40:26 GMT -5
Alright, so I just finished writing up this profile and I would love it if someone could go through and help me with writing/anything off about the character. Thank u in advance!  Your name is KRONOT ZARODA and you are hopeless.
{Spoiler}You might be 7 SWEEPS old, but other than that, theres nothing really to say about your accomplishments. You stay inside your CAVE-HIVE most of the time, hiding away from the outside world that disgusts you so.
Okay, so it really doesn't disgust you. In all truth you're kind of a COWARD, and most of the time you're just too afraid to leave. Being a RUSTBLOOD though, one could argue that you have a right to be afraid. But in all reality, its not the idea of OTHER TROLLS that scares you, but your LUSUS.
Your LUSUS is what you like to call TERRIFYING, or a BAT-BEAST. A GIANT one at that. He likes to SNEAK away for days on end, and you swear whenever he gets back you can hear the SCREAMS of TROLLS. It scares the living NIGHTLIGHTS out of you, so you always avoid going outside or anywhere near your lusus.
But thats alright, whatever, you don't need to go outside anyways. Trolls are ANNOYING. You can just stay inside and read your BOOKS anyways. You have a great taste in novels. Your personal favorite series is a novel about an EVERY DAY troll falling in matesprits with a MYSTERIOUS and HANDSOME RAINBOWDRINKER. It's pretty great. In the end the EVERY DAY troll and the RAINBOWDRINKER get married, and the RAINBOWDRINKER turns her into a RAINBOWDRINKER, and they live forever together. The perfect ending to any ROMANCE.
You consider ROMANCE to be the highest quality of WRITING there is, and truly the NOVELS you mentioned are the PEAK of the genre. You have spent SWEEPS studying the genre, even dabbling in WRITING some yourself. Though mostly you write about you and your few TROLLIAN friends.
You also consider youself a MASTER at ROMANCE. In fact, you have a POWER that lets you see other trolls QUADRANTS! In the form of a HAZY AURA, though. Usually you can't tell who the trolls SIGNIFICANT OTHER is, but if they're close enough the AURAS connect, and well, you get what that means.
Another interest of yours is RAINBOWDRINKERS. How you long to be one, to be SWEPT off your feet and TRANSFORMED into one, just like your HERO, Bellaa Swaann. God, what a good book series. But until that happens, you'll just have to BEAT the other trolls away with your trusty CROWBAR.
You might be reserving that MATESPRITSHIP for the RAINBOWDRINKER of your dreams, but while you are WAITING for your own EDWARD CULLEN to arrive, you spend some time on TROLLIAN. You go by amourousNosferatu online, and you tend to type like ze vampires of old vhen you're online, and itz no laughing matter. you are very zeriouz
TL;DR{Spoiler} Name: Kronot Zaroda
Age: 7 Sweeps
Blood color:A dark maroon, #9C3026
Trolltag:amourousNosferatu
Quirk: Replaces all w's with v's and s's and th's with z's. He's a vampire
Strife Specibus: crowbarKind
Fetch Modus: NOVEL MODUS - His modus spits out a book for him to read through in order to get the item. The bigger the item the bigger the novel.
Power: He can sense what quadrants a troll has filled by seeing an aura around them in the designated color of the quadrant. The fainter the aura the less strong the relationship is. The closer two trolls are to their Quadrants, the more the auras mix together and connect. He cannot turn it off.
Land: N/A
Title: N/A
Quadrants:
N/A
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Chairman
Brownblood
No sir, not gettin' outta this chair.
Posts: 44
Identifies as: Male
Pronouns: He/Him/His
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Post by Chairman on Jul 8, 2015 14:04:37 GMT -5
Alright, so I just finished writing up this profile and I would love it if someone could go through and help me with writing/anything off about the character. Thank u in advance! Your name is KRONOT ZARODA and you are hopeless.
{Spoiler}You might be 7 SWEEPS old, but other than that, there's nothing really to say about your accomplishments. You stay inside your CAVE-HIVE most of the time, hiding away from the outside world that disgusts you so.
Okay, so it really doesn't disgust you. In all truth you're kind of a COWARD, and most of the time you're just too afraid to leave. Being a RUSTBLOOD though, one could argue that you have a right to be afraid. But in all reality, its not the idea of OTHER TROLLS that scares you, but your LUSUS.
Your LUSUS is what you like to call TERRIFYING, or a BAT-BEAST. A GIANT one at that. He likes to SNEAK away for days on end, and you swear whenever he gets back you can hear the SCREAMS of TROLLS. It scares the living NIGHTLIGHTS out of you, so you always avoid going outside or anywhere near your lusus.
I could probably argue that he might just run away from his hive to escape this terrifying lusus, but I get the feeling he's such a wuss that running away scares him too. Pansy.
But that's alright, whatever, you don't need to go outside anyways. Trolls are ANNOYING. You can just stay inside and read your BOOKS anyways. You have a great taste in novels. Your personal favorite series is a novel about an EVERY DAY NIGHT troll falling in matesprits with a MYSTERIOUS and HANDSOME RAINBOWDRINKER. It's pretty great. In the end the EVERY DAY NIGHT troll and the RAINBOWDRINKER get married Bruh do trolls even know what marriage is, and the RAINBOWDRINKER turns her into a RAINBOWDRINKER, and they live forever together. The perfect ending to any ROMANCE.
Trolls are nocturnal you foo'. Anyway, sounds solid enough so far. A troll too wussy to leave his cave so he escapes into a world of romance, wishing some troll would sweep him off his feet so he could feel safe at last. That is totally his character and I'm sticking with it. Why does he find trolls annoying, however? If he never leaves his cave, that means he must have only interacted through Trollian. And if he did so, how did he come to think all trolls were annoying? Did he get cyber bullied super hard? You should document this kind of trauma somewhere. Probably not here, but, you know, in your rp notes.
You consider ROMANCE to be the highest quality of WRITING there is, and truly the NOVELS you mentioned are the PEAK of the genre. You have spent SWEEPS studying the genre, even dabbling in WRITING some yourself. Though mostly you write about you and your few TROLLIAN friends.
Ah see, there it is. The Trollian. This loser writes friendfiction that's awesome. But, why did he latch onto romance of all things? Does his lusus try to eat those novels in a desperate bid to save his charge's social status? Does he ever post his writings online somewhere or does he just keep it in little journals for himself? What happens when someone reads said journal??? How much will he be ashamed???
You also consider yourself a MASTER at ROMANCE. In fact, you have a POWER that lets you see other trolls QUADRANTS! In the form of a HAZY AURA, though. Usually you can't tell who the trolls SIGNIFICANT OTHER is, but if they're close enough the AURAS connect, and well, you get what that means.
That's a weird power. How exactly does it work? Is it based off emotional feelings emitted by the trolls that his mind picks up on? Does it only work on lowbloods or does it work on higher bloods? If it's based on emotions, he could totally play match-maker irl you know. That could be interesting. With the bonus of being depressed no one shares the aura with him that he wants them to. It would also lend more credence to his MASTER OF ROMANCE status. Because he's basically cheating.
Another interest of yours is RAINBOWDRINKERS. How you long to be one, to be SWEPT off your feet and TRANSFORMED into one, just like your HERO, Bellaa Swaann. God, what a good book series. But until that happens, you'll just have to BEAT the other trolls away with your trusty CROWBAR.
How much is he interested in rainbowdrinkers? I know he reads the books, but does he dress up as them sometimes? Does he think they're really real? Does he sometimes try to eat blood and spit it out because ew but damn so close to being the rainbowdrinker he always wanted to be? You gotta expand on this interest yo you shouldn't just leave it hanging. Like, maybe he gets into fierce arguments w/ people on whether rainbowdrinkers are real or not. He could also sometimes leave his cave hoping to find a real one on his own time and also to escape that terrifying lusus. The conflict of two interests - Cowardice and desire to be swept off his feet.
You might be reserving that MATESPRITSHIP for the RAINBOWDRINKER of your dreams, but while you are WAITING for your own EDWARD CULLEN to arrive, you spend some time on TROLLIAN. You go by amourousNosferatu online, and you tend to type like ze vampires of old vhen you're online, and itz no laughing matter. you are very zeriouz
TL;DR{Spoiler} Name: Kronot Zaroda
Age: 7 Sweeps
Blood color:A dark maroon, #9C3026
Trolltag:amourousNosferatu
Quirk: Replaces all w's with v's and s's and th's with z's. He's a vampire
Strife Specibus: crowbarKind
Fetch Modus: NOVEL MODUS - His modus spits out a book for him to read through in order to get the item. The bigger the item the bigger the novel.
Power: He can sense what quadrants a troll has filled by seeing an aura around them in the designated color of the quadrant. The fainter the aura the less strong the relationship is. The closer two trolls are to their Quadrants, the more the auras mix together and connect. He cannot turn it off.
Land: N/A
Title: N/A
Quadrants:
N/A
Oops, I critiqued again. I played with your troll, got lost in the words. Oh wriggler, wriggler. |
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Paramour
Brownblood
I'm a level 5 Vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.
Posts: 30
Identifies as: Nonbinary
Pronouns: Ze/Hir/Hirs
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Post by Paramour on Jul 10, 2015 10:45:52 GMT -5
Hello, friendly neighborhood Paramour here! I just wanted to extend an offer to you all! Personally, I enjoy creating mutants. I have a fair few of them (not on this forum), but what I really enjoy is the thought exercise of figuring out how they could actually exist. If you guys would be interested, I'd be happy to help you make your mutants more realistic as well! I'm not going to say anyone /has/ to follow my suggestions, but if you ask, I will offer!
As far as my qualifications go, I do in the real world work in the medical field in prenatal development, specifically working with genetic mutations and birth defects. I work with pregnant women or couples who are at high risk for having children with genetic conditions, mutations, or birth defects, and women whose fetuses have been diagnosed in utero. My job is to know these conditions inside and out and how we can manage them, so I really do know what I am talking about, and I just figured I'd offer my knowledge to anyone who is interested!
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Post by ING on Jul 10, 2015 16:25:32 GMT -5
Sounds like fun times Paramour! i'll have to chat you up about mutants sometime, i'm a fan of them myself Speaking of, Hivestuck prides itself on being mutant-freindly here, you don't need to like it, but you need to accept it. So feel free to play your mutant fantrolls as much as you like.! Personally i'm less sure about blood colour mutations, but i'm not going to stop you! |
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Paramour
Brownblood
I'm a level 5 Vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.
Posts: 30
Identifies as: Nonbinary
Pronouns: Ze/Hir/Hirs
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Post by Paramour on Jul 11, 2015 10:39:24 GMT -5
I actually think blood mutations can be done well! It just depends on the mutation. Candy red or something above fef would have been culled in the trial caverns without something like a sburb session and the universe bending the rules for them (as seen in the comic) but other blood mutations can be done well in my opinion! Just have to look to nature for precedent.
For example, I don't talk about her mutation much because she hides it, but I have a troll with bioluminescent blood - her blood glows when it comes into contact with chemicals in the atmosphere. (I keep it vague because we don't know what makes up the alternian atmosphere). It doesn't glow inside her body because the concentration of chemicals is lower there, too low for the reaction to take place. Which is how she survived the trial caverns, because her mutation wasn't apparent there! IMO as long as you have reasonable reasoning for how a blood mutant (which are definately kill on sight mutants on alternia) survived the trial caverns, or if they weren't in the caverns in the first place because of a sgrub session, etc, it's fine to have one, but they should really be hiding their mutation because it's definitely a cullable offense.
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Jaye
Brownblood
»I Escaped From MSPAF« Minibio background by dizzyzebra.deviantart.com
Posts: 54
Identifies as: Nonbinary
Pronouns: Ze/Hir/Hirs
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Skype: felinejaye
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Post by Jaye on Jul 11, 2015 19:40:38 GMT -5
I think even blood colour mutations can be done, with the right handwaving. I have a mutant-blood (who... strikes a pet peeve of mine, actually <_<) troll who survived by hatching late and escaping from the caverns straight into the sea pretty quick.
Science/psuedo-science is always fun to play with for trolls, though. You certainly have a leg up on all that, Paramour.
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Post by ING on Jul 11, 2015 20:04:54 GMT -5
I actually think blood mutations can be done well! It just depends on the mutation. Candy red or something above fef would have been culled in the trial caverns without something like a sburb session and the universe bending the rules for them (as seen in the comic) but other blood mutations can be done well in my opinion! Just have to look to nature for precedent. For example, I don't talk about her mutation much because she hides it, but I have a troll with bioluminescent blood - her blood glows when it comes into contact with chemicals in the atmosphere. (I keep it vague because we don't know what makes up the alternian atmosphere). It doesn't glow inside her body because the concentration of chemicals is lower there, too low for the reaction to take place. Which is how she survived the trial caverns, because her mutation wasn't apparent there! IMO as long as you have reasonable reasoning for how a blood mutant (which are definately kill on sight mutants on alternia) survived the trial caverns, or if they weren't in the caverns in the first place because of a sgrub session, etc, it's fine to have one, but they should really be hiding their mutation because it's definitely a cullable offense. yeah that makes sense! I just feel personally that anything that puts a troll off the caste would be instant cull bait once they hatched, it's a personal opinion mind you, so don't feel threatened when i say it, i won't stop you from playing an off-caste Troll if you want too, i just personally interpret the Troll society as having set boxes of hierarchy in the caste, if you can't be placed into one of the boxes, then they don't know what to do with you, are you below green? above blue? you could potentially be a higher blood colour then the empress herself since your colour has no caste, and they can't take that risk. if you can't fit into a box, then you're a risk to the hierarchy and need to be removed. things like blood abilities, such as having acidic blood, healing blood, or as yours is, glowing blood, are in my opinion fine, so long as it's an actual caste colour. But like i said, that's just my opinion |
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Miasprite
Rustblood
Posts: 11
Identifies as: Female
Pronouns: She/Her/Hers
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Post by Miasprite on Aug 15, 2016 16:08:14 GMT -5
Well here's an exceedingly shitty fankid. I don't have a proper introduction yet, but this should do. >Be the unspeakably awesome girl. (Yes, I know the sprite sucks.) Name: Kate Redleaf Age when she begins the game: 13 Gender: Female Sexuality: Proud bisexual Chumhandle and typing style: talentedGogetter [TG] Types with normal grammar and syntax, except when flustered or rushed in which case she ofte forgts leters and puntuatpn and makes tupos
Guardian: Undecided
Title: Thief of Time
Dream moon: Not sure how this is decided, but if it's active/passive like I've heard, Derse.
Strife Specibus: Mousekind (it's a long story)
Fetch Modus: Undecided.
Personality: This paragraph is a little bit choppy, I'm aware. I've never been good at describing personalities without being like "Kate this, she that, she other thing."
Kate loves herself, almost too much. She is known for being quite selfish and arrogant, has an unhealthy tendency to put herself before even her best of friends, and can easily come across as very condescending. She can be very impatient and often rushes things. She is very ambitious and energetic. She is quick to anger and very unforgiving. She is also quite a bit resourceful.
She isn't fully conceptualized yet, but yeah.
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I don't know. Weysue is based off of the 'Dragon Tail' constellation, but I can't have a fricking teal dragon lusus. Especially since another troll in the set needs a dragon lusus more. So lusus is still 
slyly with a slight HATtention to HATs, mon ami.” while your laughter can be heard echoing in the swamps.
